Being Jews, we are always seeking opportunities for self
improvement and refinement, always willing to send the flour
through the sifter yet another time. To us, even those extra
five pounds are important, worth considering, and worth
taking action about.
A few round trips through the portals of the Ruchama dieting
group brought this home to me in a very deep way. Most of
the women there were perfectly lovely, attractive wives and
mothers. it was hard to spot an extra ounce anywhere. I
understood immediately that it wasn't their `outsides' that
had brought them there. It was their insides, their thoughts
and desire to self improve through self control, that had
led the way.
For most people, dieting is a short term proposition. After
being `careful' for two or three months, they find
themselves more or less back to normal, size-wise, and can
resume eating pretty much as they please. There is a small
minority, however, for whom weight, be it over- or under- or
`under control,' is a lifetime struggle. The problem
transcends all dieting tactics, exercise programs, and
medications. There just doesn't seem to be any solution for
it. [And so, they blame in `on the glands.']
Although I greatly admire people like Ruchama, who are able
to overcome all obstacles, reach their goals, and teach
others the secrets of their success, I felt that I needed to
find a solution greater than any human being could provide.
My problem seemed immune to any man-made interventions. I
realized it was time to dig deeper, to search high for a
solution that would last more than one or two weeks (or
days?). From where would my help come?
One day, the answer fell on me like a sack of potatoes. To
Whom had I turned to for other `unsolvable' problems? To
Whom do I pray when my children are late arriving home? Who
is it Who provides me with my every need and want, showers
blessing upon me until my cup runneth over?
I embarked on a new campaign, one that did not include rice
cakes and celery sticks. It cost nothing. It consisted of
one desperate lady, one worn sefer Tehillim, a seat,
and some time (well, a lot of time). I just davened.
I prayed that somehow, some way, I should become thin. I
prayed to never be heavy again. Most importantly, I asked
Hashem to do it for me because I simply had no strength. I
just kept davening. I finished the entire
sefer Tehillim, one, two, three times over the course
of a couple of weeks, looking around me every now and then
to see if anything had changed. As far as I could see,
nothing had, and I was still "a round me."
*
It's almost two years since that marathon. Where do our
prayers go? Often I pray that Hashem should just send them
wherever they're needed, but during this period, I put my
own name and address on every single one.
I'm now eighty pounds lighter than I was then! I wish I
could explain to you what happened, how I did it, how I keep
it off. I wish I could explain to you how I managed to lose
weight while still eating a whole lot of food, and how it
happened without doing a drop of exercise (maybe it was all
that vegetable chopping I did). I can only say there was a
phone call shortly after I finished Tehillim the third time,
yet another group, but this time, miraculously, success.
With pure and total siyata d'shmaya, I have stuck to
the diet every single day without exception. If you scoff
and say, "It's impossible, it's super-human," then you would
be absolutely correct. Alone, on my own steam (which is,
anyway, G-d given), I would have been able to accomplish
nothing. Inadvertently, through my relentless and persistent
Tehillim recital, I had plugged myself into an Endless
Source. Once I was connected, there was truly no limit to
what could be accomplished, because Hashem is limitless.
I wouldn't be truthful if I said it wasn't difficult, even
painful, at times. It wasn't smooth sailing all the way. In
fact, I was very surprised at the sheer number and variety
of issues that sprung up in the process. But along with the
potential to succeed at this really hard task, Hashem had
also provided me with extra reserves to overcome obstacles
(Shavuos cheesecake, anyone?) and difficulties.
When people ask me how I did it and I tell them I
davened, they often say, "No, really! What did you
do?" I don't know how to answer. Such siyata d'shmaya
is difficult to describe.
Coming Out of Egypt
I couldn't believe how different it felt to be thin! I felt
like I'd been let out of jail, released from bondage, happy,
joyous and free. The feeling was so overwhelming that I
didn't even know where to start. I tried to focus on the
simplest things first, such as the technical problem of not
having any clothing that fit properly. Suddenly, I found I
could wear almost anything. No more cringing in the changing
room.
It took a while for me to abandon my dark, baggy clothing,
but step by step, I emerged from my hiding place and started
to take a look at the world around me. I soon hit every
clothing gemach in town, got a new sheitel,
bought some make up. I felt more confident than ever, and
was able to handle situations which used to confuse me
terribly. I was delighted at the extent my mind had cleared,
and my ability to solve problems more easily. If I hadn't
seen the drastic differences in my own self, no one would
have been able to convince me that certain foods, like
sugar, white flour and those containing caffeine, are drugs
that can harm the body and mind. My entire physiology
changed dramatically after the weight loss. The feeling of
release was indescribable, more powerfully so because I
hadn't even realized I was confined! It's difficult to
believe that one can be held hostage by food.
Sticking With It
It seems the main problem people encounter with dieting is
threefold: resisting temptation, being patient, and keeping
the weight off.
Resisting temptation can be very difficult, unless you are
praying for heavenly assist. One weapon against temptation
is to be extremely organized [sounds easier than
disciplined]. If you can decide in the morning exactly what
and when you are going to eat the whole day, you might be
able to hold off certain temptations. For example, if you
know that at 1:00 in the afternoon you are going to be
sitting down and enjoying a meal of baked chicken (with
skin!), potatoes with oil and salt, steamed eggplant and
salad -- a typical meal for me on my diet -- then you may be
able to hold off on that piece of cake at 11:30. Planning is
the key. I have brought my own whole wheat bread and
vegetables to weddings. I have called ahead to Shabbos hosts
with inquiries. It was very embarrassing, but it was
necessary in order to stay focused on my goal.
Another helpful tool is consistency. A nutritionist prepared
a food plan for me, and I only ate what was on the food
plan. Contrary to popular belief, starving yourself does not
help you lose weight! I knew exactly what I was supposed to
eat and in what amount, and I weighed and measured every
bite. It had enough variety that I wasn't bored, and I tried
to eat things I liked so I would not feel too deprived.
Nothing can take the place,for me, of a few rogalach
and a cup of coffee, but I was able to concoct muffins and
pancakes from the limited options available to me. I even
followed the food plan on Shabbos, which was just about the
hardest thing to do. I added diet jello to make things a
little more festive, and tried to increase my
ruchniyus on that day. I tried to avoid having a
`diet mentality,' so I ate every single thing that was
coming to me, down to that last teaspoon of mayonnaise, and
I did manage to lose weight.
If you feel your resolve weakening, call a friend on the
phone. There is nothing like support and friendship for
getting over those rough spots. Even better is to enlist a
friend to diet with you, and call each other up every day.
After a few minutes chatting on the phone, you will find
that your craving will have eased up a lot or disappeared
entirely.
It helps a lot to avoid sugar and white flour completely. A
little shmeck goes a long way towards big helpings!
So if you avoid these things, you lose the desire to eat
them, but even a little taste can wake up the craving again.
Many diets build in these little extras, but I found that
avoiding them completely was the only way to see the diet
through till the end.
Being Patient
The most frustrating thing about dieting are those plateaus,
when we lose some weight, then suddenly, stop. Over the
course of my diet, I weathered a few of these. Sometimes two
months would go by with no weight loss at all, and then by
the third month, I'd lose three kilos in one go. The best
advice for getting through this annoying phenomenon is to
stay off the scale. I weighed myself once a month. Once you
separate yourself from the tyranny of the scale, it's much
easier to concentrate on your long term goal. Daily and
weekly weighing is nerve-racking, self destructive, and
usually inaccurate.
Keeping it Off
When you're dieting, you just want to be finished with it as
soon as possible so you can get back to eating regularly.
But what usually happens it that you eventually end up
gaining all your weight back, plus interest! This is because
your body realizes that it has been deprived and it wants to
make up for lost time. The secret to keeping weight off
permanently is to forget about eating `regularly,' which
usually translates into going back to the junk. Once you've
lost all the weight, it's easy enough to go back to the
nutritionist and get some kind of maintenance diet, which
usually has a little more elbow room than the reducing diet.
And then, that's it. That's your food for life.
No more diets. If you can accept a life that consists daily
of three well planned, tastily prepared meals consisting of
good healthy foods, then you never have to worry about
dieting again. I was shocked when I heard someone bring this
point home to me. She was describing her preparations for
her son's wedding, and she said, "It's such a relief. No
last minute frantic dieting amidst everything else. I know
what size I am because I've been this size for years now."
It sound simple, but it was hard for me to imagine life
without the roller coaster. Now that I myself am off it, I
can testify that it is, indeed, a relief.
Now that we are thin and not spending all of our time
eating, what do we do? I think this is where most of us get
caught. Some people think that this or that will be better
once we've lost the weight, and then we find that things are
pretty much the same as they always were. Conquering that
desire to eat is one of the main battlefronts in achievieng
closeness to Hashem.
We can spend our newfound time and energy on more praying
and Tehillim. We can work on improving our relationships
with family, friends and most importantly, with our Creator.
We can spend time thinking about and working on improving
our middos, doing more chessed and
strengthening others. We can concentrate on gratitude, and
we can also spend time educating our children about eating
and food. We can speak to them about brochos, derech
eretz at meals and bircas hamozon. We can teach
them to be thankful for what they are given to eat, that all
food is good and that we don't have to be, and shouldn't be,
picky about we eat. They will watch us exhibiting king-sized
self control and they will want to emulate us. Soon this
feeling of self control will extend beyond the food, and
into controlling our anger, our spending, and the ways we
choose to manage our time. We will be amazed before we are
halfway through!
The most important thing to remember about dieting is that
Hashem is with you the whole way. He applauds your efforts
to achieve closeness to Him, and will surely help you. You
need only ask, and the assistance He gives you will be
beyond your wildest expectations!
Good luck!
