A posek is a talmid chochom who knows how to
weigh the pros and cons of various halachic opinions so that
he can give an answer which will be suitable for your
needs.
Often, before agreeing to become a posek, a Torah
scholar will first do an "internship" and spend time with an
established halachic authority, watching how he deals with
shaylos and then, afterwards, discussing the various
issues with him to understand how he reached his
conclusion.
Ideally, it is best to consistently approach the same
authority so that you can get a consistent response and so
that he can get to know you, your community, your
minhagim, your personality and your needs.
If you apply to a posek for a clear decision, he will
listen carefully to how you ask the question.
If you ask, "Am I allowed to...?", that means you are
looking for a heter -- you want to do it and are
looking for halachic permission.
If you ask, "Do I have to...?", that means that you
do not want to do it and are looking for a halachic reason
not to do it.
If you ask, "Rebbi, this is the situation... What should
I do?" then you are leaving it to the posek to
give his personal authoritative opinion of what he reckons
you should do.
We usually think about asking a shayla when dealing
with problems such as when accidently spilling milk into the
cholent or accidently turning on a light on Shabbos.
However, there are many more occasions when we need to
consult with a Torah scholar.
A wise posek represents Da'as Torah, whose
opinion can be valuable for issues seemingly beyond the
sphere of pure halacha.
Married couples and parents can use the services of a
posek to relieve many of the tensions which build up
within a family.
*
Reuven thought that boys look sweet with long, flowing
payos. So when his first boy was born, he decided to
let his boy's payos grow long. Reuven enjoyed
watching his son's payos blow in the breeze, until
his son reached the age of rebellion and asked that he cut
his payos short like the other boys in his class.
Instead of making the request into a point of contention and
declaring war on his son, Reuven, who had been anticipating
this moment, calmly explained that having payos is a
religious issue and therefore, any doubt should be decided
by a posek. Reuven also stressed that he himself did
not care which way the Rav decided because the main point
was that we do whatever the Torah requires us to do.
Together, they went to the Rav and Reuven explained both
sides of the issue. The Rav asked the boy some questions and
then decided that the boy was right; that he was justified
in requesting to go with short payos like the other
boys in his class.
The boy was overjoyed that he had "won." But really, Reuven
had won because now they go to the Rav for all conflicts and
when the Rav decides against the boy, he accepts it because
he knows that the Rav is not biased but giving a true
psak.
Following this, the other children in the family have also
become accustomed to asking their shaylos and know
that they can go themselves to the Rav for his decisions.
*
The Chumash mentions the appointment of officers to settle
disputes. According to the ratios of officers to the public,
nowadays, every apartment block in a chareidi neighborhood
should include two or three poskim!
