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1 Av 5759 - July 14, 1999 | Mordecai Plaut, director Published Weekly
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Letters, Eitzes, Feedback

The following letter (excerpted) was sent to a 12-year-old boy who recently lost his grandfather, shortly after he had lost his brother. Divine justice is difficult for adults to absorb, certainly not to understand, but how can we convey a proper attitude to children? Following is a perspective which might help those - may we never need it.

Dear Dovid,

This time I'm writing just to you.

You must have been going through hard times now and I was hoping these lines might make you feel better.

You are very upset to have lost a dear relative, but if you can look at it with `new glasses,' you will feel like a new person.

Did you ever realize how lucky you are? Whenever you feel sad or lonely, or even happy, you can talk to Hashem, pray to Him, tell Him your worries, or thank Him for all the good things He constantly does for us.

Did you ever think who gets a special reward - and credit - for all the mitzvos that you and your family do? It is your grandparents! They brought up their children in the right way - and you are continuing their work. Zeidy is not with us now, but just try to imagine how good he must feel in Gan Eden, how much pleasure he is getting from all of you!

It is a special privilege for grandparents and great- grandparents to see their offspring just the way they wanted them to be.

We, here in this world, don't always see things well; it's as if we are going around without glasses. Things are blurred. Some things seem sad, others happy. But let me tell you: there are special invisible glasses that we can wear. You can't get these at the optician. In fact, these are free and cost only the effort it takes to look through them.

Let me help you use them. When you are lying in bed and feeling sad, think about the following: How lucky we are to be healthy. Think of all your limbs, one by one, and how well they serve you. Think how good it is to have such wonderful parents who love us so much. Think how happy Zeidy must be to have such fine grandchildren.

Getting used to your glasses? Are they comfortable? Don't forget to use them during the day, too.

Yours, Rochel

And along the same lines, a short piece by LMW

COLOR YOUR WORLD

You can color your world. Wear rose-tinted glasses and the world is rosy. Label your child dumb, slow or uncooperative, and he'll live up to your expectations. A self-fulfilling prophecy works both ways. Think back and you'll probably be able to replay old conversations that played a pivotal role in your development. The neighbor who said you could dance, draw or share, empowered you to continue. The parent who related your wise sayings and good doings within your earshot, or even when you were officially asleep helped to create a happier, more confident and capable person.

Perhaps you are very exacting and honest and find it difficult to pass along compliments. Try to reframe the situation. Your compliments may have a greater impact because they are harder to come by, but don't phase them out of existence. Focus on segments or do like Beis Hillel who sang the praises of the bride regardless of her traits as "A charming and beautiful bride." As to the question of honesty, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and love brings out the best in everyone. On the other hand, those who are overenthusiastic in their praise must learn that sometimes less is more.

R' Avrohom Pam related the following: a noted talmid chochom once got a very discouraging report from his son's rebbe which he restated to him very diplomatically as, "Rebbe says you're doing very well in class and with a little more work you can become a real talmid chochom." This child grew up to be one of the greatest educators in America. Food for thought.

RE: TWINS

R. G., mother and grandmother of twins, suggests keeping a special scrapbook/notebook for the first year to record the little and big things in their development, such as when they first become aware of their own duality. This can be done with the help of older siblings and will be a pleasure to look back on. Make sure to have a camera on hand for surprise situations.

RE: TANACH

"I really enjoy the articles and suggestions that readers send in. I found the idea of going through Tanach very inspiring. Yasher koach, Ann Onymous, for having doing it and shown us that it is do-able. If, the world over, people can complete Shas via the Daf Yomi, women can certainly undertake Tanach. While some of my friends and I have gone through Hilchos Shemiras Haloshon several times, it is a pity to me that whole chunks of Hashem's Written Torah and its timeless messages are total strangers to me.

"We are, of course, all busy, with our priorities and obligations, but bits of time do present themselves very often. This reminds me of the story of R' Moshe Feinstein ztzvk'l who made a siyum on the completion of Shas from all the time waiting for simchas to begin! Perhaps we could form a support group. My number is 06- 6920832. We could give each other tips on doing it as long- or short-range projects. It is only natural that goals will be realized better with peer pressure. Then, maybe we could get together for a siyum.

"And a suggestion for anyone undertaking this is to read through an Artscroll Introduction and Overview to any sefer you wish to cover. This provides the historical background and perspective."

I.T. from Tzefas

RE: CHALLOS

Also from I.T.

"In response to Ruth, who couldn't bake on a regular basis: I think that the articles in Yated are meant to inspire and help us in our service of Hashem. Of course, not all suggestions pertain to all of us, nor do they pertain for all periods in our lives. But it is nice to store the information and inspiration for that future date or to pass it on to others for whom the mitzva is realistic so that we can share in it."

 

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